Matthew 6:14-15 says, for if you forgive other people when they sin
against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But
if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your
sins.
The other day in my communication and conflict class at TAMU
we had reached our last chapter, which is titled, The Practice of Forgiveness and Reconciliation. Going into class I
was not looking forward to having to spend a whole hour and a half talking about
forgiveness, but it actually turned into quite an interesting debate over what
the true definition of forgiveness is, whether or not it is required for
somebody to forgive, and then we had a few examples of different situations
that have happened in the past which we broke down further to see what was
correct.
So what is forgiveness? In my textbook the authors do not
give a specific definition, but rather a few bullet points on what the idea of
forgiveness is. These are: “You are
focused on the present after reflecting deeply on the past. You desire
to be free of negative patterns that reduce the quality of your life. You are
willing to do your own interior work, regardless of what the other person is
able or willing to do." While
these are all good ideas of what forgiveness is, I feel like William Faulkner
gave a good definition in that “forgiveness is giving up the idea of a better
past.” Deep, I know.
After talking to some
of my family members over this topic I was able to figure out a deeper
understanding that we simply cannot forgive on our own. Yes, you can easily
forgive somebody for stealing your pencil, but when it comes to a major event
or situation that has just taken place, we have to be willing to extend
forgiveness and pray to God for help to help us have peace again. This sort of
goes into the next discussion that we had which was whether or not forgiveness
is required. Growing up in a Christian home I have always been taught to
forgive the person for whatever they have done, but I have never thought about
digging deeper and trying to figure out where this came from. The main reason
that I began to think about forgiveness was a comment that was made in class.
My professor was telling us a story about how during this class in an actual
semester (instead of a summer course) she was able to bring in a Jewish Rabbi,
a Muslim priest (Imam Khatib, the technical name), a Christian pastor, and an
atheist for a discussion panel over forgiveness. During this discussion, the Christian
pastor was asked whether or not forgiveness was required. She responded saying
that it was not required and forgiveness is a personal thing; that it does not
affect God or your relationship with Him. This comment bothered me very badly.
I immediately pulled up Matthew 6:14-15 and read it to my class. I did not
understand why the Christian pastor would say that.
As Christians we cannot pick and choose things from the Bible
to believe. Either you believe it all or you don’t. Now my response received
mixed emotions from my classmates so I turned to my parents once I got home for
some Godly advice. Both of my parents were proud of me for sticking up for my
beliefs and my dad continued to reinforce my statement by giving his own examples.
He reminded me of the many verses that tell us to be imitators of Christ. He
went on giving examples of different times that Jesus forgave others,
specifically the time that Jesus was on the cross and forgave the thief that
was beside him. My mom took things from a different perspective in saying that
forgiveness is required by Christians, especially if you want to have peace
within. As a Christian we do not need to withhold forgiveness from anybody no
matter how big the situation. However, you are not dismissing or minimizing what
the other person did to you, just completely forgiving them the way Christ
forgave us.
My final story will be one that I believe my textbook was
wrong in. One story that my textbook uses as an example that forgiveness is
supposedly not required or even necessary happened in 2001. It describes one
day a woman was with her two children and they were all brutally assaulted by a
man who ended up killing the two children and almost killing the woman. A
couple years later while the man was in jail he was able to find Jesus and
accept Him into his life and sent an apology to the woman asking for her
forgiveness. The woman proceeded to ask different people in her religious
community if she was required to forgive the man. The final consensus that she
received was that she was not obligated or required to forgive this man. I
cannot imagine the pain and suffering this woman went through but I have a few
problems with the result of this situation. First I believe that we as
Christians should have been praying to God for constant peace instead of trying
to find it in people in her community. Another thing is that I believe that she
should have forgiven the man. It is not something that she would have been able
to do naturally by herself, but that is where God comes in. Beth Moore said it
best, “Forgiveness takes faith. Some of the people you are forgiving are not
sorry,” but “I’m going to believe in God to make it right.” It is not humanly
possible to be able to forgive somebody that has taken a loved one, but that is
when we need to put our faith in God the most and trust that he will give you
peace that surpasses all understanding and give you the strength to be able to
forgive the person.
I pray that each day we remember that Christ came as our
example and that we are able to fully trust Him with all of our problems, while
thanking Him everyday for what we have been given. All in all, in order to be a
Christian, I believe that it is required to forgive. “For whoever keeps the
whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it” (James
2:10).
Thank you Lord for your
blessings on me. I pray that I never take you for granted and that I can
continue to grow into the person you want me to be. Help me to become more like
you so people can see You in everything I do.
